I usually try to keep any discussion, particularly on social media, about living with T1 Diabetes to a minimum. But today was one of those reality filled days, so I'm breaking my own rule.
Today marked yet another stress and worry filled day in a series of many. No sleep. My bed beeped, buzzed and vibrated with the nonstop alerts from Ellie and Bradley's pumps. Zero sleep. I quit trying at 4am. Hello caffeine.
Ellie's Dad misplaced her testing kit. I spent hours. Hours. Looking for it before school. Never found it. It is personalized to her pump and CGM, so this is a problem.
Missed the bus. Drove the kids to school, even though I had an early appt. Not great timing.
As I was trying to get ready, the phone rang 3 three times. Both kids were low. Bradley dangerously low. I waited, in a towel, for him to call me back 15 mins after his low, to test again. I waited in this towel for 45 mins. Worried I was going to miss my dentist appt. In the meantime, Kate was invited for a playdate by my dear friend Claire, so I was pleased and trying to get there on time.
The worries of the toll these low bloods, and also high bloods, take on our babies' bodies often take second place to the daily stress of dealing with them. Mostly because the worry and the sadness could sink me. I have just gotten good at keeping on keeping on.
Then my dentist cancelled my appt. After I'd arrived.
Bradley had another bad low. Terrible for his little, hard-working heart. I was sad. I was crying. I wore my sunglasses all day. Because under them were swollen, tear stained eyes. I could not control the flow of tears; that happens when I am this tired.
Gary asked me to go to Walmart. Ugh. My least favourite of every retailer known to man. I go there rarely. I'm not elitist; I just prefer RC Superstore and Costco for big box store needs. Walmart treats the bulk of their staff poorly.
Checking out. Short line which took forever. Someone ahead had card trouble. She was cranky at the man working the till. A manager was called. A young girl. She was openly annoyed and seemed condescending towards the cashier. When it was my turn to cash out, the gentleman checking me out was instantly recognizable. Although I rarely come here, this distinguished looking gentleman, of at least 60 years (and who, in his home country is undoubtably a professional) is always working the line I end up in. He said, "Hello Miss, do you want your milk in a bag?"
Shortly after this as he was scanning the produce, what seemed to be a million grape tomatoes went flying everywhere... On the floor, over the counter, some even jumping. I looked at the gentleman. He was panicked.
I put my hand on his, hoisted up my sunglasses, looked him in the eye with a smile and said, "Hey, no problem. It's just a few tomatoes."
Less than a second later, the manager was over. She said, "I'm sorry." She rolled her eyes. "Did he spill your tomatoes?"
"Oh God no,", I said. "I did that. I've been off all day. I'm sorry. I'm happy to pay for those tomatoes. It was my fault."
The 25 yr old manager said, "Oh no, you don't have to pay for those. No problem. Do you want to go get more?"
No, I said, I've got loads. She smiled and left.
The gentleman working the till reached for my hand and squeezed it and and said, "Thank you so much Miss for taking the blame. You may have just saved my work life here. Probably I think yes you did."
And I can't get that out of my head. His gratitude for such a small, insignificant thing brought on a whole new fresh batch of tears. I wished him a nice rest of the day and a Happy Valentine's Day and left.
Of all the life or death issues that keep me awake at night... thinking that taking or not taking the blame for spilled tomatoes in a Walmart lineup could cost a refined gentleman his job reinforces the notion that no matter what we're doing, if we do it with a smile and a kind intention, we can make someone else's life better.
To quote a hero, the Dalai Lama, "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."
Do not cry over spilled tomatoes. xx