You're a nerd. Embrace it.

The other day, Ellie was recounting a story about how one of the girls in her class was talking smack about one of their male classmates, who is crazy smart, reading at a grade 7 level, and Ellie's classmate called him a NERD.

I said, "That's not very nice - the poor kid. What IS a nerd, anyway, Ellie? Do you think he's a nerd?"

Well, Ellie replied, he's probably a nerd.

Gary pulled Ellie in and said, "Ellie, guess what.... YOU'RE a nerd."

"Your mother's a nerd, I'm a nerd, YOU are a NERD, Brad is a nerd, and Kate is probably going to be a nerd (although, she might be a female wrestler - the jury is still out...)

"Nerds love books. You are a nerd."

I told Ellie, nerds can also be funny and wear pretty clothes. So, now she's a proud nerd.

"Guess what Mommy.... I'm a nerd!"

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Obama style...

Hallelujah!

Like a lot of Canadians, I've been following the political goings on south of the border pretty closely. I feel strongly about healthcare for all. The campaign in the US against universal healthcare clearly illustrates several points. One, that people can be talked into or out of almost anything when bombarded with daily misinformation and propaganda, a la Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachman and their friends at FoxNews. Second, most people who oppose healthcare for all, already have it for themselves and their families. 'We've got our's' so you and your children are on your own. It speaks volumes about their world view. 'You've had arthritis? Your child has had cancer/diabetes/acid reflux? Well, that's a pre-existing condition - no health insurance for you!' Which leads to the saddest point - that most of the opponents of healthcare do not care about their fellow man, as long as they are taken care of themselves. How un-Christianlike, for a a group that largely identifies itself as Christian. I'm not particularly religious, but I respect much of what the bible says. Christians who are against health reform should consider the following inconvenient verse...

Deuteronomy 15:7. If there is a poor man among you, one of your brothers, in any of the towns of the land which the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart, nor close your hand to your poor brother; but you shall freely open your hand to him, and generously lend him sufficient for his need in whatever he lacks.

I've discussed this at length with people who oppose universal healthcare, and their argument boils down to money. It will cost too much. Well, the American insurance companies make billions of dollars in profits. Billions. In. Profits. That may be a moral stomach turner for some, but it's a fact they are not going to part with that money and will (and have) spent millions if not billions lobbying in Washington to protect their profits.

Following the passing of health insurance reform last week (called Obamacare from the fair and balanced right) the airwaves were bombarded with anger, vitriol and violent language unlike anything I've ever heard. After everything that has happened south of the border over the last decade, it's mind-boggling. Remember what the right did to the Dixie Chicks in 2003, because Natalie Maines said they were embarrassed George Bush was a fellow Texan at a concert in London on the eve of the Iraq War? Think about what they endured for years after that for ONE REMARK made off the cuff, and then listen to the hate, fear, lies and spewed by Hannity, Beck, Palin, Limbaugh, etc, etc. These people have a strong following; thus we have the tea partiers. Remember when anyone who dared speak about against the Iraq War debacle was accused of being unpatriotic and vilified as hating America?? I guess criticizing the president is only okay if the republicans don't get their way.

Last weekend, I received an email from one of the American political blogs I follow. I read lots of political blogs, from both the right and left. This one did not come with an author named, so I will just pass it on. Consider this a love letter to the tea baggers...

We had eight years of Bush and Cheney, Now you get mad?

You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and
appointed a President.

You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to dictate
energy policy.

You didn't get mad when a covert CIA operative got outed.

You didn't get mad when the Patriot Act got passed.

You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no threat to us.

You didn't get mad when we spent over 600 billion(and counting) on said illegal war.

You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars just disappeared in Iraq.

You didn't get mad when you found out we were torturing people.

You didn't get mad when the government was illegally wiretapping Americans.

You didn't get mad when we didn't catch Bin Laden.

You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed.

You didn't get mad when we let a major US city, New Orleans, drown.

You didn't get mad when we gave a 900 billion tax break to the rich.

You didn't get mad when the deficit hit the trillion dollar mark.

You finally got mad when the government decided that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they are sick. Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, stealing your tax dollars to make the rich richer, are all okay with you, but helping other Americans...oh hell no.

SEXTING (is) FOR DUMMIES

I haven't seen many of Sandra Bullock's movies... the last one I loved with her in it was A Time To Kill. But, I like her a great deal based on years of watching her on Leno, Letterman, etc, etc... I never found her marrying Jesse James that strange... because I also found him to seem quite kind and intelligent. Of course, this is also based on what I see on latenight talk shows. I don't even know what he does... something like American Chopper...?

Anyway, they're all over the fluff news. Yesterday, I was volunteering at the kids' school for HOT LUNCH DAY. It's a BIG DEAL. Afterwards, I was talking with some of the teachers and someone mentioned "poor Sandra Bullock". I said that I wished I'd gone to see The Blind Side in the theatre, to throw some love her way the only way I could. One of the teachers said The Blind Side is still at the cheap theatre up the road.

Well... my older kids are busy, and Kate is home with the sitter about to have a 2 hour nap. I could totally go see The Blind Side. Alone. In the middle of the day. On a school day. Escandalo!! So I did, and I liked it a lot. I thought I'd feel guilty, but I didn't.

So that brings me to... what in the hell is wrong with Jesse James? He has been texting, or 'sexting' for years, but up to and even including the few last months that brought us Tiger's texts. Who has been sending sex texts since Tiger's car hit that tree? JJ must be an idiot. And have you seen these skankolas? The first one is just repulsive to me to even look at. The others look... trashy. The first one's tattoos make me itchy. Granted, I'm not a tattoo person. I don't hate them; I'm just not getting one myself.

Obviously, not every man (or woman) who cheats on their spouse is a bad person. People cheat for lots of reasons. Jesse James has 3 children. The youngest, Sunni, has been raised by Sandra Bullock since she was an infant. By bonking - I guess we're up to 4 now - of these women, he has really jeopardized the stability of this little girls' life. To say nothing of how unbelievable the timing is, with SB having just won the oscar. She thanked him often - very sweetly, and I think sincerely... ugh. I hate to think of how she must have felt. I'd hoped there might not be a Tiger-like menagerie, but we're already up to 4...

And speaking of Tiger... what is wrong with him? Really. I mean really. What an asshole. Have you read the texts he sent to one of the girls, which she has now released and posted on her own website. Some of them are just filthy and misogynistic. I am no prude. But those texts... man. There is no way Elin will be able to get past those. I hope not, anyway.

The Tiger Woods story is one that I would like not to be interested in, but I can't help it. Trashy and unimportant news, clearly, but it is/was compelling enough that after years of not doing so, I finally gave in and added TMZ to my bookmarks.

What bothers me the most about Tiger Woods? Well, back in December, it bugged me when I heard how cheap he was; to his mistresses but more so, to the wait staff in restaurants. Asshole. But, now I think he probably has some degree of socio-pathos to his personality. Easy to say now that I never liked him, but I never did. I am not a golfer and I've never watched him play, ever (that won't change). I thought he was boring and uninteresting. Not now. Now I wonder what makes a man, with two sweet babies at home, go and pursue girl, after girl, after girl, after girl... I don't care that many of the girls are employed in some sort of sex trade. That doesn't make them any sluttier than your average girl who enthusiastically has sex with married men. There's more dignity in being paid for sex outright, than doing it with a longterm plan of saving texts and lawyering up with Gloria Allred, in order to fake-cry your 15 minutes of fame out of trash tv. "I thought I was the only one"... boo effing hoo.

The really gross part of this is that he had unprotected sex, over and over, with teams of girls; all of whom live high risk lifestyles, sexually. Then, he went home to his wife and BABIES. Where is the guilt? I can see this happening once. You're out, drinking, your guy friends are there, girls are all over all of you... I can see how that can happen. But, the next day, when your 3 yr old looks at you and says, "I love you, Daddy", don't you just hate yourself? Really. Every time I see the same footage of Tiger at some big tournament, and walking over to his wife, mother and baby girl, who he takes from his mother and kisses on the face, I wonder who was he last kissing, and where. Gross.

How big a narcissist do you have to be to think you are above catching (and then passing on) something from the two prostitutes you just paid to have a threesome with you?

Tiger is an asshole.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Katey

This post is for mothers. And, a few fathers.

Kate is ready to potty train. Every time she pees, she tells me a moment later. "Mama, I pee..." When she is creating something more significant than pee, she hides. She hides, but only where she can still see me. Like, in my closet, with the door half closed, but peeking around the corner. One of her favourite places to do this is between the chair and the tv stand in the living down. She crouches down, focuses on hiding from me/watching me, and fills her diaper. Then she announces it.

These are signs that she is ready to potty train. So, today we tried. And a half hour in, we had pee in her potty chair. "Mama! I pee in potty!" "Bradley, I pee in potty! Look my pee!!" Proud moments for all.

But, pee is all she will do. Reluctant to do anything else on the potty but pee. So, to encourage her, I moved her potty chair to one of her top secret favourite places for hiding and sniping. Took her diaper off and watched her walk to her potty in the private location. She sat on the potty, and we gave her the privacy she desired.

What we didn't see was her then go and hide behind the potty and poo on the floor. Which she did. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon-style. So, we'll put the potty chair away for a few more weeks and try again soon.

Up in the Air...

George Clooney.

I like him. He's my only traditional celebrity crush. He's no Gary Salsman, but in Up in the Air, he's a close second. Very close.

It's my favorite movie of the year, so far. And, not just because it reinforced our decision to not move to Omaha this time last year.

Watch this movie if you get the chance. Gary loved it as much as I did, and George C isn't even on his list...

Is this normal? Abnormal? Or abnormally early...

I haven't blogged in awhile. I've been feeling sad and haven't wanted to write a downer posting. I've been sad about a lot of things, but I'm only going to talk about one (for today, anyway...) Because, I just realized yesterday why I've been more .... let's say.... emotional, than usual. And it's not just how depressing I find the news (no one is less cut out to be a real world news junkie than me, but that's for another day).

I miss having babies. I mean, actual babies; infants.

Don't get me wrong. I love being a mother. Love it. And, I don't suck at it. I love kids, mine in particular. In the last 8 years, I have often parented alone; for weeks on end. I have never really minded or complained. Gary travels a lot, and until this year, we didn't even have a babysitter. Ever. Except for 2 evenings before Kate was born, we just didn't go anywhere without them. My friends can attest to my patience. Well, with children - not adults - especially adults I am married to. Again, another post for another day.

I am not a Martha Stewart-inspired, crafty, good-soulfoodcooking type of stay at home mother. I don't download craft ideas, then spend 2 hours at the table doing them with the kids. But, I color a lot - I'm an excellent colorer. I play games. I read a lot. I talk a lot. Hold the jokes. And I love them a lot. I hug em and kiss em a lot.

Over the years, we've spent a lot of time traveling. Spent several months, several times living in hotels with toddlers. That won't mean anything to people who don't have toddlers. Imagine living in one room with a 1 yr old and 3 yr old, or a 2 and 4 yr old, who both have to nap. No toys, no tv, just you, two little ones and some books. I did it a lot. It wasn't easy at the time, but looking back, they are some of my best memories.

Living in Trois Rivieres, PQ was the not the highlight of places to live, socially. But, Bradley was born there - before we even finished unpacking, and Ellie turned 2 and 3 there. I was lonely for adult company, yet looking back, it was one of the happiest times of my life.

A major life lesson that we've been smacked in the face with, over and over again, is that life rarely gets easier or less complicated. You know the expression, 'life is what happens when you're busy making plans'... so true. Tacky and true. Hopefully, I don't sound too knowitall-ish, but when the kids were smaller, I really was aware of this. I daily said to Gary, or my Mom, that I felt so happy and lucky and that these were the best days of my life. Which brings me to my sadness....

Am I past the best days of my life? I can't be. I'm 36. My kids are 7.5, 5.5 and 2 years old. Aren't I too young to be feeling this way? Is this a normal or abnormal feeling? I think it's a normal feeling, but that I am having it abnormally young. Knowing that I'm not going to be "birthin' no mo babies" makes me cry. And, I hated being pregnant. I think I miss the quiet joy of watching a 3 yr old push a 1 yr old around in their laundry basket-boat. I miss the sweet cuddling that comes with breastfeeding. I miss having little ones playing in the house all day, with no frantic running around to various lessons. I also miss the quiet of peace and tranquility, ie NO FIGHTING. Ellie and Bradley did not fight until this year. They just didn't. They never, not once, got on my nerves. Gary never came home to a wife who said, "I have to get out of here before I lose my mind". We really didn't have bad moments, let alone bad days. They played, played, played and then played some more. My Little Ponies, Pollies, Barbies, Store, LPS, and then Lego. Total BFFs. Now, Bradley is not so into being told to play with girl toys, and Ellie usually has her nose in a book. Which hurts Brad's feelings. And, all of this bothers Kate, arguably still a baby, who does not appreciate not being included. Which she rarely is, because she destroys all their things. It bothers her. She does not express this through gentle gestures. She screams. She really screams. Poor Katey. I don't think being the baby is the cozy family position previously thought. I have a lot of guilt about her. She was born at the beginning of our diabetes - induced chaos. Ellie and Bradley have lately both started saying things like, "Remember how great life was before we had diabetes?", or when I'm tucking them in, they might say, "I wish no one in the world ever had diabetes". Last night, I was snuggling Ellie in bed, and telling her how when she was in my belly, I used to hope and pray that this little baby would be a sweet baby girl and that is what she is - my sweet and perfect little girl. And she said, "But Mom, now I have diabetes."

Maybe that is what I am really the most sad about.

A little news

To make a looong story short, I contacted one of my old teaching friends from my Lord Beaverbrook High School days because he is one of my references and I was using him as a character reference for my volunteering at CIWA. Well it turns out he is now the principal of the high school in Lake Sundance, a nearby community, coincidentally down the road from our kids' school. Ellie and Brad don't go to school here in Lake Chaparral because they are in French Immersion. Anyway, my reference encouraged me to contact the CBE (Calgary Board of Education) if I was interested in returning to work. Talking to him convinced me that going back to teaching part time is just what I need to do. I'd like some part time work to offset our recent childcare expenses and I always liked teaching. But, the CBE has a surplus of teachers and is not hiring anyone. Not even substitutes. They have too many employees, so I have low expectations. My ultimate goal is to work in ESL at the Jr -Sr high school level. This is a long term goal.

The one area the board has a need is in foreign languages(including ESL). This is where my checkered past comes in handy. I was fluent in Spanish and used to teach high school Spanish. I am also qualified, ON PAPER ONLY, to teach French. I would not teach french; I am not good enough. But, I can read it and am qualified to work as a French Interpreter for the ladies I've met through my volunteer work with the CIWA.

Anyway, I applied via email to the board, stating my background and my current volunteer work at the CIWA in ESL, and my desire to teach ESL part time. So, I got called for an interview last Wednesday and was downtown 15 hours later being interviewed. Because of my cover letter, I'd assumed it was for ESL work. I researched ESL the night before. Crammed ESL, really.

Arrive to the interview surrounded by trilingual 22 yr old teachers fresh out of school. "Where's your portfolio?" one of them asked me. I don't have one, I replied. "Well, you seem very relaxed..." she said. I'm old now and have nothing to lose, I told her. I was very nervous 12 years ago when I came here for my first interview - you'll do great, I told her.

Still thinking I was there to interview for ESL jobs, I coolly followed the lady who came to get me from the waiting area into the interview. We sat at a small cafe sized roundtable with a computer in the middle. We sat down, and the lady asked me, "Why don't you tell me why you want to return to working for the CBE?" Well, I said, I last taught high school almost 6 years ago when I was pregnant with our second child. My husband was transferred to Trois Rivieres, PQ in May of... The lady interjected, "Why don't you tell me all of this in Spanish". It was not a question; it was a suggestion. So, I started all over again in Spanish. In my mind I was thinking... CRIPES - I guess I should have been reviewing Spanish instead of ESL last night. The interviewer was typing every word I said. I rambled on in Spanish, until I got stuck on a word I couldn't remember. The word was 2004 and I kept thinking Deux Mil... FRENCH! I couldn't think of how to say it in Spanish to save my life. This horror went on for a bit, then she asked me to talk to her in French. I said, why don't you ask me something, and I'll answer you in French... No, she said, just talk to me in French.

Okay, that's like someone saying to you, "Say something interesting to me, right now". Pressure.

It is then that I realize this is not going well. It's actually going badly. Very badly. She is not one bit interested in me for ESL work - they must need Spanish and French subs and teachers. That's the only reason I'm here. I'm screwed.

I was then asked if I might be interested in teaching Elementary French Immersion.

Huh?

Um, no, not really. My French is not good enough. It never was. Spanish perhaps, but I need to work on that, too. In fairness to the lady, she was just doing her job - interviewing possible language teachers. Unfortunately for me, I thought I was there to interview for ESL qualifications... No one could ever accuse me of overselling myself. I like to put myself down, lower the bar, then surprise people when they find out I'm not an idiot. It's worked well for me for 36 yrs.

It got even worse, but I'll spare you the extra details. Take my word for it, questions like, "How do you assess students, and how do you respond to those assessments?" were not answered well by me. She did compliment my Spanish, and that was the highlight. The interview ended with her telling me that if I was successful, I would be put on the Sub list. If not successful, I would be able to reapply in two years. If that happens, she suggested I take some courses through Alberta Ed. So clearly, I'm not getting it. No sub list for me.

I thanked her for her time, all the while thinking, I just bombed that interview. I came across as such a fool, I am not considered decent enough to sub. And, I don't even want to sub! Feeling dejected, I met Gary for a coffee in his building. I mean, it's shame to waste a trek into the downtown core and not do something cool, like having a SB coffee with my handsome husband in his suit. I don't even like Starbucks coffee, but I like to go there. I told him I bombed. I really bombed. I am not even going to get on the sub list. A week ago I didn't want to sub. Now that I screwed up, I really want to sub. Rejection, or the smell of it, is a great motivator. I started to see all the pros of subbing - no real responsibility longterm to students, I can choose at which schools I would work, when I would work, and that is a real plus with Ellie and Brad's medical issues.

I want on that sub list! And, being on the sub list at least allows me access to intra-board information and eligibility to apply for real jobs - like ESL or even back to teaching Spanish. And now I have to wait 3 weeks to find out for sure.

So, last night Gary went to check the mail and came back with a letter for me, very thin, one page, from the CBE. Clearly a PFO letter. I opened it, and it started with, "We are pleased to inform you that.... "

So, I'm on the sub list. I'm good enough to sub. Phew.





I really wanted to get on the freaking sub list!